Orifice Space

Weekends suck, at the moment

2007-07-07T09:12:00.000-07:00

How in the hell do you entertain 7 teenage boys that have no motivation. it's a fuckin fight to try and get them to do anything. they totally need to get out and do something, but they just sit around. it will come around. lifestyle change is big. mondays now are my favorite days - it's like saturday - until about 4pm. anyway, i know i'm bitchin and what not. i know this job will get better - it has to. there are times (like right now) where i need to start consequating kids and i just don't have the energy at the moment, cuz i know he will start going down the road of non-compliance......grumble. it's all good, though, as these guys need that structure. also, i can't let shit slide, or i'll be fucked in a couple of months. having said that, i'm out.

what a whirlwind

2007-06-23T22:12:00.000-07:00

it's been three months and three days since we've been living in omaha, ne. feels like longer. E and I live in a 3-4,000 sq. ft. house with my family (wife and two kids) and seven boys. All deviants of somekind. We are to establish a traditional family model and then raise these boys in it. what a trip. at the moment, i'm having feelings of extreme inadequacy. they seem to come in waves. E and I, as a husband and wife, are very non-traditional. we are both strong authority figures - not one of us has greater authority than the other. so, i need to take a more leading role in the house? weird for me. i do understand the philosophy, though. most of the boys in our house come from a more traditional style home where the man is the head of the household - yada, yada, yada - you all know the drill......anyway. it's the day after i started writing this. today has been going pretty good. been having a lot of teaching opportunities with the boys. here's how a typical teaching interaction goes. i tell a kid to go put the garbage out. the "Cirriculum Skill/Objective" is "Following Instructions". There are four steps in Boys' Town to "Following Instructions";
1) Look at the person
2) Say Okay
3) Do the task right away
4) Check back/see if there's anything else you can do

If the Boys' Town youth (from here on out i will refer to the Boys' Town youth as "youth" or "youths" - unless there are extenuating circumstances that require more description. Like, "He was such a dumbass today", etc. - anyway, you get the picture.) misses one of those steps, they will earn a negative consequence. If they do all of the setps perfectly they earn positive consequences that go on a daily point card, alright, i don't want to talk to this anymore. it's basically a very complicated version of "pavlov's dog" - reward the good behavior, punish the bad behavior. immediately - no dialogue, etc. my boss says i'm to nice. yep. i am. oh well. last night was a bit more rough than today. sometimes i dread getting into work mode but, when i actually get to interacting with the youth, all trepedation goes away. this is such a technical blog, whatever. now you all know what i'm talking about - sort of.

kids are doin good. my time with them has been limited, but it's getting better. i've been spendin some good time with my aunt on my mom's side. she is very giving and caring. actually, my mom and dad's families, that live here in omaha, have been very supportive to us. we get two days off a week (till 11pm) and we don't really have anywhere to go except expensive restaraunts or a movie or something where we have to spend money and i don't like doin that all the time. so, mad love to my aunts and uncles, yo, as we say here in the hood. please send me e-mails with questions, etc. post some excitement - or excrement - whatever works for you.

pieces,
Drewl

A thought

2007-01-30T21:20:00.000-08:00

i've have been walking in the opposite direction of my upbringing religously speaking now for about five or six years. can't remember. it's been lately (past two years or so) where i have become increasingly DEEPLY bitter towards the whole idea of religion - period. running in tandem with this thought process is my lifestyle. 8-5 corporate job, life insurance, health insurance, video games, cars, stocks, trying to make more money, supervisor, drinking on the weekends, seeing movies and watching tv in my spare time, barely any reading, listening to music only on the radio - where am i going with this? is there a connection between my current lifestyle and my dependance upon (i cringe when i say this cliche) god?......more later. still packing.......

Changes - Nervous?

2007-01-25T19:28:00.000-08:00

E and I just got jobs at Girls and Boys Town in Omaha, Ne. We will be leaving at the end of February for Omaha. I don't know what to think at the moment........

i'm elated that i don't have to work at ventana any more. i'm elated that i can work with troubled youth. i'm nervous about doing this as a family.......

also, update with the smoking - i have been smoke free since my last post. excellent.

Trying to Quit Smoking (Days 1 and 2)

2006-09-26T22:39:00.000-07:00

Right now, i'm fucking craving a cigarette.

anyway, i decided to quit smoking. no real motivator - just like a mental switch was finally flipped off.

anyway, yesterday (day 1) was a battle. i had four cigarettes. i remember driving to work and noticing that the packs of cigarettes in my car were empty, so i decided to quit. very depressing day, yesterday was. fedex dave said, "nothing is funny to drew, right now". made me laugh. anyway, he just recently quit smoking, so he had some good advice. yesterday i was in a fog. i have no idea why - i think i was withdrawing from lack of nicotine in my system. that was fucked up. i couldn't think straight, i was grumpy towards my kids, unbelievably depressed, etc. i think the one thing that kept me going on dirts so long was the fact that i didn't want to have to quit something. i should be able to do whatever i want, right? i guess part of growing up is knowing when to quit.......anyway, that contributed to my depression.

today, day 2, feeling a bit better. like i said, right now i want a cigarette, but i'm going to type this instead and go to bed. i was hyper all day - had a good day. pretty with it. thanx to bryan for hanging with me during my work breaks and lunch break. went to starbucks today and sat outside, in my usual spot - outside. there was a guy smoking at the next table over. i saw him smoking, the smoke was blowing in my face, and i felt nothing. i had no craving, and i wasn't repulsed, either - just nothing. weird. here's the kicker - i'm trying to watch my weight at the same time - no easy task. i haven't had to many bad food cravings yet. i can't gain anymore weight. fedex dave came over today and asked how i was doing. i said i'm smoke free at the moment - feel like i'm in a 12 step. he said that it takes three days for the nicotine to get out of my system, and then it's all a mental battle from there. great. we'll see how that goes. anyway, i'm out for now. i'm going to go to bed.

Update, of sorts

2006-02-16T02:28:00.000-08:00

It's 3:30am. feeling kind of disconnected.......i've just spent the passed half hour trying to find friends on the internet from my highschool dayz in omaha. what's that all about? i know i'm gonna be tired tomorrow.......what ever.

still a manager (receiving now)
still have a spouse (love to e)
still have kids (two only)
still have two dogs
still have two cars
still have two balls.....BUT....i just had a vasectomy done. november. if anybody reads this at all and is thinking about getting a vasectomy WEAR A JOCK STRAP TO AND FROM THE SURGERY!!!!!!!

That's all i'll say about that. Interesting thought that i had the other night about management/leading/being a team lead. mostly mexicans work for me. they can't stand to do individual tasks.....drives them up the wall. they'd rather be working together - commentary on community. here's the question, then, how does one manage that? if i were to be managing to cater 100% to mexican culture, we'd have to have double what we think we need? weird and interesting. i do need to sleep. what an inconvenience. wish our bodies weren't dependant on sleep.

oh well. peace out to my maybe one reader?

Words of Warning.........

2005-09-19T19:38:00.000-07:00

After Orlando, Florida, city officials voted in 1998 to fly rainbow flags from city lampposts during the annual Gay Days event at Disney World, Robertson issued the city a warning: "I don't think I'd be waving those flags in God's face if I were you. ... [A] condition like this will bring about the destruction of your nation. It'll bring about terrorist bombs, it'll bring earthquakes, tornadoes and possibly a meteor."

–Pat Robertson

Career Choice.........?

2005-09-12T19:41:00.000-07:00

so, i think i've made a bit of a career choice - i'm going to go to school for business management. i have mixed feelings about this.....but it needs to happen.

Top 'o the Mornin

2005-09-11T09:27:00.000-07:00

so, last night, e and me went and saw Twisted Sister. It was pretty unbelievable at how those cats can still move on stage. D was in some serious shape! anyway, they did the whole thing - hair, makeup, etc. we only stayed for about 7or8 songs. i wanted to stay until i heard "we're not gonna take it". we did, then we went and saw The Exorcism of Emily Rose. Pretty good movie. made me remember my evangelical, casting the demons out, pleading the blood of jesus, days. Spiritual warfare and all that other........the whole premise is that God, in His infinite wisdom, allowed this poor, innocent young lady become possessed by Belial ("Lucifer incarnate" according to the movie), tear herself up (literally) and then die horrifically just so God could show the world that He really exists and that there are supernatural beings all around. That's fucked up - why do we need to witness horrific, supernatural miracles to be convinced that god exists? Fucking ridiculous. The way that I think god should prove that he/she/they/it exists is by all of a sudden, there's no poverty. all of a sudden, there is economic accountability for the world, and there is true equality. that would be a lot more convincing than to sit and watch some girl contort her body in un-natural ways and speak in wierd languages and be super strong...........am i making sense?

on to Vicente. about a month ago, e and me became certified foster care providers. two fridays ago, we got our first kid. he's three years old. he's a wonderful, challenging kid. it's a weird dynamic. we're not going to adopt, just foster, so it's weird. before we had a kid, i'm thinking "i'm want to give this kid a break! I want to be his dad for a while!" but, subconciously even, it's VERY difficult to invest in this kid emotionally - i'll say that it's happening, slowly - but it's difficult! the second day we had him, i left the room for a moment, and all the sudden i heard a CRASH and then a foreign AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! i went into the room and i was confronted big V having a mouth full of blood. i guess what happened (my five year old witnessed it), V had a car in his mouth and he took a header onto the floor which, with the wood floor, a metal car, gravity, and i'm sure some other factors that i can't think of right now, knocked his two front teeth loose. now, if it were my kids, i put ice on them, and lay them down - maybe give them some tylenol or something for the pain, and take them to the dentist come monday or tuesday. Well, this is not our kid and he's in a system of some sorts. So i call his case worker and, after explaining the situation to him, asked him, "what do i need to do?" to which, in good form and articulation, calmly said, "i don't know." we ended up taking him to urgent care and he's got a dentist appt next week. not even 24hrs after getting our foster kid, we knock his front teeth loose........oh well. he's happy now.

So, i'm getting a bar today for my garage - it's home-made 8'x3' gargantuan.....thing. it even comes complete with the brass footrests. i'm pretty excited about it. now i need to find a fridge so i can put a keg in it, then run a tap to the bar. i'm excited about that!

on that note, i hope everyone is well. i'm out for now.

bueno

2005-06-04T15:26:00.000-07:00

let's see, what's been going on:

still a manager (blah)
still have a significant utter
still have two kids
still have two dogs
and two cars.

still have a house
just finished our foster kid classes
learned some crazy shit
here's a fun statistic - The biggest danger (sexually) to young boys and girls is heterosexual men.
in our county alone there are over 2,000 kids in the foster care system and there are only 900 or so foster families.....what the fuck is that all about? nobody in this country needs to have another kid naturally - they need to adopt (i know that's easy for me to say as i have two naturals of my own - just making a point). it's such a pain in the ass that people abuse children.

thought:
the foster care system is a reactive system. the better we make this reactive system, the more child abuse/foster kids there will be. nobody can get easy, professional help until they abuse their kid, someone calls CPS on them, they get their kids taken away, they go to court and get put on a plan, and then get put into therapy. those people doing the therapy aren't into it anyway, because there's NO FUCKING MONEY IN IT. anyway, at this point the kid has already been traumatized. why aren't there more GOOD PROACTIVE measures that we can put in place to help people out. people that want to have children should not be allowed to until they go through a parenting class like my utter and me just went through. the problem with investing in people is that there is no short term, financial gain. i hate money, but i love it, but i hate it, but i love it, but i hate/love it. i found levi's jeans on sale for $130.00 today. i found a pair of addidas shoes (old school) for $999.99 the other day. DAMN are we stupid? Are we dumbasses? what the fuck are we doing?

back to yard work. my utter just got home.

Roy

2005-04-19T20:25:00.000-07:00

"We're heading to Venus
and still we stand tall................it's the Final Countdown."

Thank you, Europe.

The Search for Inspirado

2005-02-26T10:01:00.000-08:00

As I surround myself w/more materialistic, physical things, my capacity for creation dwindles........

creation gets stifled when there is no time to sit, be quiet, be alone, turn inward....

the balance between alone time and interaction with others is there, just have to find it......or create it

timetodohousework

Greetings and Salutations

2005-02-06T10:14:00.000-08:00

For the readers in my life (of this blog), please check out knutz' album underbelly. The album is worth a buy.

today's thoughts:

feel like a pile. one thing that has stuck in my head is "creation". what is creation? is there valid and invalid creation? what is creation to me? i feel like a pile cuz i have no motivation to do anything. the new job (since oct.) is extremely difficult. "it's the little things that will kill you" my boss told me. boy is he fucking right. there's to much to manage at the moment - it doesn't help that people don't want to show up at work.......fuck them.

trying to help create significance in an employee is difficult. everybody wants attention, everybody wants to "be someone" in our department. our company is moving more towards "lean mfg practices". in "Lean", we're taught that we don't want to have "specific/specialty" jobs - meaning, anyone can do everybody's specific job. meaning - no one is more important than the other.......wait, maybe i'm talking out of my ass at the moment.

anyway, more on that later, bit disjointed at the moment. need to get some shit done around the house. i'm going crazy trying to figure out my role in this world. what can i "create" that can benefit me, my family, my friends, my community, my town, etc.........

i'm done for now.

Graduation Day

2005-01-24T19:45:00.000-08:00

well, i've finally graduated to being linked to someoneelse's blog. interesting. i know feel obligated to actually use my blog for what it's meant for, rather than just having it to say, "yeah, i've got a blog - watchyou got, bitch."

this a rather anti-climatic post at the moment. speaking of anti-climatic, if you haven't seen or bought Napoleon Dynamite yet, do both now.

what's in the stereo

Freedom

2005-01-24T19:35:00.000-08:00

Quickie

2004-12-12T11:12:00.000-08:00

LOng time since i've written. Job is okay, still learning the ropes. I'm attaching a link to my wish list, just in case you've been waking up in the wee hours of the night suddenly and with out reason, wondering, "i want to get Roy something.....what should i get him?"

Now you know.

One more thing......

2004-10-17T10:21:00.000-07:00

A quote i read;
"If you have come here to help me, you're wasting your time....But if you have come because your liberation is bound with mine, let us work together."
- Unknown Aboriginal Woman

Fuck yeah.

thoughts........

2004-10-17T10:18:00.000-07:00

I'm reading The Wealth and Poverty of Nations. thinking about:
the history of money;
check wishlist for ideas.
just read a bit about the Misesian Economics (this link is to "Misesian Economics and the Bible", but the first paragraph gives a good, comprehensive defenition).

on a side note, we leave for Bali today. We'll be staying in South Bali. Very excited about this. it's ramadan (30 days of fasting during the day) here in Indonesia. During this time everything closes - everybody steps up their muslim holiness for a few days. But, since Bali is such a western tourist spot, Ramadan gets a bit more ignored there. My experience in Jakarta has been interesting, so far. This place is a lot more cosmo than anything pakistan has to offer. my only frame of reference for traveling to this part of the world was pakistan/nepal/india/sri lanka, so my culture shock wasn't so much what this country didn't have, but what it does have! kinda wild. anyway, more about this later. it's so fucking humid here. peace out, for now. ignore the above segment, by the way, i need to write my thoughts down somewhere......

Where in the Hell are we?

2004-10-14T09:28:00.000-07:00

On Oct 8th, we hopped on a plane from Phoenix to LosAngeles to begin the first part of our journey to Jakarta, Indonesia. My parents and bro are living there, so we decided to visit them for a couple o' weeks. It's good to be traveling overseas again. it's been seven years for me (last trip, murree pakistan)and never for my wife and kids. they're taking the whole thing surprisingly well. not a lot of whining, although i have noticed that javan, more than syd, has been stressed. never thought i'd see a four year old stressed - kinda sad, but he's a trooper and pullin through fine. we started our adventure here w/a nice couple of nights in one of the nicer hotels here in town while the kiddos stayed w/gramma and grampa. nice time of getting our jet lag under control. anyway, we're done w/that and are now hangin withe the fam. we went to a mall yesterday - wow. starbuck, the coffee bean, baskin robbins, a&w, mcdonald's, etc. unbelievably modern. so, i'll keep the updates comin (chris)! i'm a bit rushed at the moment. i'll try to turn this more into a daily travel log for the remainder of our time. now, w/o further ado, a few pics:

A Perfect World

2004-09-28T06:49:00.000-07:00

I wish our government would admit they were wrong and apologize.

So, Noam, tell us how you really feel........

2004-09-24T11:57:00.000-07:00

“Human rights are subordinated to the overwhelming, overriding need of profit for investors…..”
- Noam Chomsky.

The Ribbing Begins

2004-09-22T11:32:00.000-07:00

With the release of the Star Wars DVD Box Set, the critics come out. Here's one in particular that made me laugh:

Simple Pleasures

2004-09-21T07:51:00.000-07:00

In his book, "Blue Desert", Charles Bowden reflects on an act that we take for granted every day......

The following quote takes place when Charles and his buddy are at the end of doing the run from Mexico to I-8 that illegal immigrants to all the time just west of Tucson;

I walk a ways into the desert, squat down, and take a shit. The sun comes on stronger. The literature of hiking is almost devoid of the simple pleasure of pissing and shitting at will. It is replete with tips on how to dispose of wastes, how to protect babbling brooks from pollution, how to leave a clean camp. But nothing on this pleasure, this return to infancy when there is no distance between the desire and the act.
pg. 172

I wonder what other simple pleasures out there we have been missing due to the glory of technology and cleanliness.......

Internal Job Transfer Update....

2004-09-17T13:56:00.000-07:00

I feel like I'm getting pushed out of the department......

Weird vibes.....

Update 9/21/04:
Kill em with kindness is my motto at the moment. I don't like office politics. I learned yesterday that I have let this job define me a little to much.....that's okay. Now that I know, change can begin.

I got it!

2004-09-16T10:57:00.000-07:00

For my two readers, I got the shipping team lead job. I'm very excited about this. I finally get to get out of this depraved department i've been in for four years - four years and five supervisors.........I'll blog about this later. I'm very excited about my promotion.....

J started school on Tuesday. I've very happy for him. he's going two days a week. He's attending "Open Arms Christian Day Care". It's more than a pre-school, really. Funny thing - in deciding about sending him to a christian based school, i was reluctant because i didn't want him to pick up any bad habits.........isn't that ironic?

a rant.....

2004-09-15T07:52:00.000-07:00

....from my dearest and closest friend.

"I hate the fact that Americans can purchase what ever they want at any time and then think if they can afford it after is already bought. I don’t want to use credit anymore. There is nothing good about it. It is just a trick to cause us to help the economy beyond what we can afford just like America is doing as a whole."
- Erin Edwards

I feel your pain, love.

wow

2004-09-11T14:48:00.000-07:00

In Memoriam
Mohandas K. Gandhi

What does it matter to the dead, the orphans, and the homeless whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty or democracy?

- courtesy of Bruderhoff

This is Amazing

2004-09-10T13:22:00.000-07:00

Sit back and listen.

I'm Nervous

2004-09-09T08:29:00.000-07:00

i've got an interview for a Distribution lead position in a half-hour with.........human resources.....?

I still don't know why HR is interviewing me. I've been with the company for 6 1/2 yrs. I guess it's them playing god. who knows.

Update:

My interview was just cancelled.........

Epiphany.......

2004-09-08T10:19:00.000-07:00

The other day, I was helping someone move. There were a lot of shoes that we had to put into boxes to move. This certain someone piped up and said, "There's a lot of people in other countries that can barely afford one pair of shoes."

At first, I though the usual, "yeah, he's right. wow." Then, another thought hit me (which I vocalized),

"No, there's a lot of people that look at us and say, 'What the fuck do you need more than one pair of shoes for'?"

The lesson here is that we are in such a consumer mind-set. And we think everybody else is in that as well. The implication above in the first statement is that, we need to give people more money so they can consume more. My thought is, we need to stop spending so much and consuming so much. It's the classic case of, "Misery loves company"...........

The Kingdom of Heaven

2004-09-03T09:56:00.000-07:00

i was thinking of the "kingdom of heaven" this morning. what is it? a state of mind? some type of plane a person reaches? a state that helps transform society around us? what would it transform too? can there be a kingdom of heaven not relative to christianity?

if it exists, i want it to be dinjy.

Missed the Mark......?

2004-09-01T06:15:00.000-07:00

I think that the new converse shoe is a bit silly, BUT, as far as marketing goes, it's brilliant. This offers to the general population (consumers trying to make more money) a sense that they are globally aware, love peace, etc. and still spend money. I use the analogy of a church "supporting" missions/social interests. It's much easier to sit back, throw some money at various causes rather than to actually get involved. It feels good to say that "I support world peace", and that's what Converse is offering via a shoe. Only true support comes w/true sacrifice.

Adbusters has decided to stir up the puble to take a stance against corporations that stifle our cultural growth, to that I say "Yes." I don't think it can be done by railing on a couple of corporations (Nike/Converse). The picture is bigger. We live in a system that perpetuates corporations like the above mentioned to make more money, take more control - we let the system do it. There are laws in place that allow corporations to do what they want. We need to attack those laws - how to? I have no fucking clue.

Bigger point - it's so much easier to focus on an individual and pick out why their pissing us off than it is to focus on changing the system that allows them to act that way, for the most part.

Let's go visit grampa's.........apple tree?

2004-06-16T06:13:00.000-07:00

Yes, it's been a while (for my faithful one other reader! love ya, erin). I'd like to come back with a story that I have found mildly entertaining......

Tired of tombstones? Put off by plaques? Then a new way of commemorating the dead might be for you: an apple tree, genetically modified to carry strands of your own DNA.

My Kids Rock

2004-05-23T12:17:00.000-07:00

Self Pity

2004-05-21T06:55:00.000-07:00

I don't belong here. I don't fit in - I can't fit in, don't know how. I try to play the game, it blows up in my face. I try to make friends - or keep old ones - and that seems to fall apart. I let people control who I am, control my moods, why? A big part is that I don't want to let go of those that I feel can relate to me the most. If they don't want to, then I'm fucked. I invest in a person way to deep, way to quick. I almost become obsessed....I need to get a fucking life. As E has said, "You'll never be content with what you have, that's just who you are....." God that hurts, the truth (even if it's partial or exaggerated) tends to do that, I guess. I keep waiting until E graduates and gets a job that will allow me to quit working at this god forsaken office and get on with my life - why the fuck am I waiting? Biding my time....? Just too fucking lazy. My good friends are all long distance - and they have their own fucking lives that have moved on - what can I expect? Why can't I do the same? Why can't I just remember the good times that I've had with them, store them away for a rainy day and move on? FUCK! I seem to have the yin and not the yang - as a TCK (albeit, only three years or so), they say that we're really good about making deep friendships really quick - yin - and then letting them go very quick - yang (can be viewed as harsh by some folx' standards). I have a difficult time with letting go really quick - and easy.

This is all the same 'ol rhetoric for E (the only one that reads my blog, I think), I'm just venting.

Gmail - Inbox

2004-05-12T19:22:00.000-07:00

What happens when....

Price Make-up of a US$ 100 Sport Shoe

2004-05-10T10:44:00.000-07:00

See where your money goes (courtesy of CleanClothes)

If you'll notice, the worker that actually puts the time in to make the shoe gets .4% of the profit.

"...good old American pornography".....?

2004-05-10T06:06:00.000-07:00

Please read the above (thanx Mr. Blinked for the link).

Does Rush Limbaugh have that much effectiveness on the American public? Should he be ignored? I don't know. Anyway, it's entertaining, none-the-less.....

WiFi With Wheels..

2004-05-07T06:29:00.000-07:00

" I am like the ice cream man, but with no music
and I deliver free wireless access and not ice cream."
- Yury Gitman

This is fucking incredible! They should make a motorized version (ie. motorcycle) so they can get away from the corporations that will eventually come after and squash this technology.

Take a gander at Free Culture by Lawrence Lessig. Talks about how big business needs to change with the times so as not to stifle our culture of creativity......

Transportation Wars.....

2004-05-05T12:59:00.000-07:00

NYC Transportation Advocates Battle for Fastest Commute: Cyclist Out-Commutes Straphanger and Taxi Rider

Read all about it. Pretty cool shit.

Jam Nike

2004-05-03T13:27:00.000-07:00

Find out how you can.......

Mysterious Ways......?

2004-04-26T06:55:00.000-07:00

A real-life vicar will control the actions of a cartoon double, including welcoming the flock, announcing hymns and preaching.

Oh my.

TrendSetters....(I Hope)

2004-04-26T06:28:00.000-07:00

Sweden's social services should pay for personal computers and internet subscriptions for those who cannot afford it....

I'd like to see how this pans out!

Currently, 90% of the Earth's population is offline.....
- tangent from the above article

East Java Police ordered to shoot robbers on sight

2004-04-23T07:54:00.000-07:00

"No, I'm not ordering fatal shootings, just that robbers should be shot on sight......"

- Courtesy of the Jakarta Post

Just mame them! KneeCaps maybe....?

Glory Hound is Humbled

2004-04-23T06:38:00.000-07:00

world-changing is focused on ends. life is all about means.
it is by the means that my world and i are changed.
revolution is in the details.
- Thanx Mr. Blinked

....revolution is in the details......

"It Took Real Talent to Fail"

2004-04-20T06:45:00.002-07:00

The US had enormous resources to reconstruct the ruins. Resistance had virtually no outside support, and in fact developed within largely in response to violence and brutality of the invaders. It took real talent to fail.

- Noam Chomsky

Blogging Under Attack......?

2004-04-19T06:57:00.000-07:00

Weblogs have revolutionised the media. But are they more than just vanity publishing?

-Courtesy of The Guardian

BikeShare!

2004-04-19T06:08:00.000-07:00

Bikeshare is convenient and economical for anyone who makes frequent trips around town. A one-year membership is $25 a year (or four hours of volunteer service), less than the cost of a tank of gas or 12 trips on transit.

Read up on the latest from our friends up north. Why can't we get something like that started here in Tucson......? or at least one of the bigger cities here in the states. I'm sure a lot o' people would go for it, they just haven't been given the opportunity to.

Syd's Got a Mouthful

2004-04-18T10:10:00.000-07:00

2004-04-18T10:09:00.000-07:00

Javan and Erin no how to rock

Growing Discontent, So What!

2004-04-18T10:02:00.000-07:00

I just read a little report about folx' growing discontent about the Iraqi situation (taken from TheyBlinked). I say So What?

America is still there. American leadership says we're still going to stay there. American leadership over there (after the Fallujah killings of the four "security consultants") said that we are going to fight back even harder.......so, we have all of this discontent about what's going on, but it seems that no one that makes decisions is listening, or has to listen. Why is this?

I have no answers.........

Saudi Presenter Shows Beaten Face

2004-04-16T06:31:00.000-07:00

I want to use what happened to me to draw attention to the plight of women in Saudi Arabia

- Courtesy of the BBC

It's about damn time! Damn, that took some guts. It'll be interesting to see how it pans out. I heard the report this morning on the BBC radio, and the reporter said that people were going so far as to wanting the death penalty for the guy that beat this lady up!

"You say you want a revolution......"
- The Beatles

2004-04-14T07:04:00.000-07:00

Some Gmail Pittfalls.......?

2004-04-09T09:58:00.000-07:00

E-mail I just sent to a friend.....wanted to explore the thought a little further....

...Also, what is it about organized religion that is so attractive (semi-rhetorical…)? I guess, if we go by the Webster’s definition of religion (def. 2 w/the link to “religious”) we’re all part of some sort of organized religion of some sorts. I guess it’s when people aren’t open to dialogue…….? And aren’t open to change…..?

I can't quite put a finger on it. I mean, an organized group of people with like-mindedness isn't a bad thing, it's the "organization" that's can make or break the group. It's got to be when there's a leader established. When people begin to look to the most out spoken, "with-it" person and begin to rely on that person for "meet times", what we're going to talk about, what we can and can't say, etc. That person may not want to lead even, but eventually, they'll think, "Hey, I guess I am a natural leader, so I shall take the reigns or else nothing will ever happen...." and the other begin to get into thought patterns as, "When are we getting together again, come on Ms. or Mr. Leader, organize something........." And then it becomes, "well, we can't meet w/o checking w/ such and such" - or "we can't meet w/o such and such being there...."

The current church structure is a control freaks dream come true! Hell, I'm not even sure what the Bible says about respecting leaders - wait, I think it says somewhere to "respect your elders"......isn't funny that the "governing body" in the church is referred to as The Elders....What if that passage meant, "respect the elderly" Anyway, pastors love the control and the power. They can say whatever the fuck they want to say, and we're supposed to take that and accept it...? I say BULLSHIT! They get paid to study the Bible and then pontificate? "Well Hell, they have to survive". That's funny. I tell you, if every christian started studying the bible for themselves AND thinking critically about it, pastor's would lose their jobs! Anyway, enough for now.

I'm at work today. It's a company holiday, but we need people to man the phones, so here i am.

I had a wonderful time talking to my friends Rene and Joel the other night. They fucking rock. They're going to do some work overseas here in the next couple of months. The reason I bring them up, is because I love my friends. All of the people that have stuck w/me over the years (damn, sounds like a graduation speech). it's cliche, but i mean it.

Guess I'm trying to sound positive. I've got to get my rants out, though. So, I'm done for now. As always, I'm open for comments on anything I say.

2004-04-07T06:41:00.000-07:00

We're a record label. But we're not evil.

Check this label out (found it courtesy of SXSW)! They do a "try it before you buy it" gig. Artists make 50% and keep the rights to their shit.

I hear that 50% is unheard of in the industry. Anyway, it seems that there are a lot of bands jumping on this. Thank you for working with us, Magnatune!

2004-04-05T06:24:00.000-07:00

I just added a blog to mine (bikes are better). I'm excited about it. talks about alternatives to the automobile.......

2004-04-05T06:20:00.000-07:00

"We tried to put secret messages to our terrorist cells around the city, but no one seems to be answering their decoder rings. So this month we used Oil, sand and blood. Seems to work for the rest of the world."
- taken from a pretty cool website - DITCH THE GAS PIG!

2004-04-05T06:14:00.000-07:00

Fighting fire w/fuckin gasoline.......when are we going to get a fuckin clue.......

2004-04-02T07:44:00.000-08:00

NPR's April Fools.....

2004-04-01T08:22:00.000-08:00

I'm still feeling blue. I think it's because we're broke. The reason we're broke is because we spend outside our means. If we didn't spend outside of our means, we wouldn't be broke. Technically, we can afford our house, my truck, our groceries, replacement clothes, etc. Pretty much the "necessities". I'm tired of stress. I'm tired of contributing to stress. I've already written before about how I'm frustrated where we're at as a family, how I'm frustrated where I'm at as a person. I keep thinking, "When I get my degree.......When E gets her degree......" WHEN WHEN WHEN WHEN! I want to stop with the when and do it all now!

End.

P.S. I do understand that my necessities are luxuries in other parts of the U.S., the world, etc. Unfortunately, those that I listed above are necessities to us because we chose to make them that way. Sometimes I wonder why we have done this to ourselves, but that's life.

2004-03-31T05:41:00.000-08:00

I feel off again today. It's because I'm going to bed to late......and E ended up waking me up last night.

Anyway,

Something's got to change.........
Work pisses me off. The whole concept of "work" in America - the West - for that matter, pisses me off. The current job model (sounds fancy. yeah, i pulled it out of my ass.) is based on eight hours a day, BUT you're not considered a "team player" or a hard worker unless you work overtime. FUCK, in 30 years will be based on a ten hour day - 50 hr. work week.

I'm still ready to move to NE Afghanistan and open up a tea shop in a mountain village up there - or a brewery........

2004-03-29T12:03:00.000-08:00

I sent the story in the previous post (pissin in the milk) to a bunch of my friends and here's a response one of them sent me;

I went out with this gal for 5 years. We lived together for three years, bought a house together, our parents were friends, pretty much living a married life. Well, one day I find out that she’s not being faithful (looking back at it I was pretty stupid not to see it – but that’s a different story). Needless to say, I was shocked and devastated.

I packed up my stuff immediately, but before I left the house, I went to the fridge and pissed in the milk. It was a completely reflexive action and I haven’t spoken to her since.

M

2004-03-29T10:43:00.000-08:00

A bit o' comedy.

I was at work needing a splash of milk for my bowl of cereal. I went to the community fridge in the break room and saw that there was a full half gallon of milk. I couldn't just splash a bit into my bowl, because there were two people in the break room with me. So, I asked them both, "Do you think it would be a problem if I put a splash of someone esle's milk into my cereal bowl?" And, to that, the lady said, "No, no, no. Don't do it...." etc, etc. The man (Marketing Manager, I might add), reinforced what the lady said by saying, "I piss in my milk so no one else will drink it....."

2004-03-29T05:58:00.001-08:00

The act of asking for less, not more, is a radical act – far more radical than it's ever given credit for.
- by James

Within a religious context (asking for less), check out this blurb by a friend.

2004-03-28T08:31:00.000-08:00

Some Pics of our little runts:

Syd woke up feeling like a Flock o' Seaguls.....

Javan bonding w/his pops...

J being artsy (mediums used: cans, eggshells, ketchup, and plate)......

2004-03-27T09:44:00.000-08:00

Solidarity
Eduardo Galeano

I don't believe in charity. I believe in solidarity. Charity is so vertical. It goes from the top to the bottom. Solidarity is horizontal. It respects the other person and learns from the other. I have a lot to learn from other people.

- taken from the Bruderhof Daily Dig.

I recommend checking this community out. Fuckin rox.

Have a good day, all.

2004-03-25T11:08:00.000-08:00

The Bodies

Check these guyz out. Good 'ol fashioned west coast (sonoma) punk.

Enjoy.

2004-03-25T08:24:00.000-08:00

Bumper Sticker on a vehicle in Tucson, AZ read:

"I love all that love the Pooper"

2004-03-25T06:58:00.000-08:00

IRONY:

We (Americans) as a people, are terrified of death - yet we continue to create life.......

2004-03-25T06:30:00.000-08:00

today feels off........don't know what to say or do. work is annoying....tired of passive agressive, pc bullshit.....

2004-03-25T05:59:00.003-08:00

Map the States you've visited - or DRIVEN (no airports) through.

create your own personalized map of the USA

spam, spam, spam, spam.....

2004-03-25T05:22:00.000-08:00

Just came across a band called The Bled. E grew up with the guitar player for the band, and they actually sound pretty fucking good! I really haven't heard anything special (that peaks my interests) come out of Tucson, so I thought, "Another bland band....." BUT NO! they sound pretty good. Raise the horns and rock on, Germs.

2004-03-24T06:12:00.000-08:00

Latest office talk: Tennis rackets should not be allowed on airplanes.......

2004-03-24T06:07:00.000-08:00

Here's my horrorscope for today:

"Cancer:
(June 22-July 22)
If your works aren't saintly, they're pretty close. You have an outsider's perspective and an insider's pull. The world brightens at your touch and stays light after you move on."

I'm a superstar.

2004-03-24T06:01:00.000-08:00

What the fuck do sales reps get paid to do?

I swear, in business classes, the teachers are telling the students that there really isn't much to it - just ask the people working under you, or the people that you out rank how to do your job, they'll tell you.

Keep in mind that I work for a relatively small company, trying to be a big company - so, at the moment, the sales force are considered gods.

2004-03-24T05:07:00.000-08:00

Two more lbs! That's eight lbs since Sunday. Damn, I'm feelin good.

Still been thinkin about my gramps. He sounds lonely - deprived of attention. Here's the way I see things. Gram and Gramps have been living in or near this town called Superior, Nebraska since THEY were kids. Superior - if you place your finger on Omaha, and then trace a line to your left till you hit about half-way, then go down to the Kansas/Nebraska border, there you'll find Superior. Last count, this town had 2400 people and now probably has 1500 to 2000. All old people. G&G used to complain that all of the kids were leaving the town when they graduated from high-school - sorry folx, the old school (born in the town, live in the town, work in the town - or on the farm, have your wife make you lemon-ade as you sit out on the front porch and all of your little ones scamper around your feet next to your white picket fence while your wife then cooks the meal, then die in the town) is dying - close to dead. Anyway, forgive my tangentasizing. Where was I? By the way, as a young buck, visiting this town was fun (pre-teen), BUT when I began hanging out there post-preteen and beyond, it was rough. I met some of the kids, around 16 or so, asked them what they did for fun. They said, "Go down to the creek (pronounced "crick") and drink beer." What a life.

ANYWAY, my gramps loved his Superior life. Gram, on the other hand, was fed up with it. Well about 10 yrs ago or so, they made the big move - and it wasn't just up the street - they packed up and moved to Rapid City, SD. Well, my Grams eyes were OPENED to the new world presented to her. It's like they did a switch - Gramps used to (in Superior) always be at the farm splittin wood, workin on his garden, walkin beans, down at various stores talkin to people - he was accepted every where he went, everybody new his name (GOD, THIS LADY KEEPS TALKING OVER THE CUBE TO ME AND I'M GOING FUCKING CRAZY!!! SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!) and gram would stay at home, go to her bridge club, go for walks, and that was about it. Now, in Rapid City, gram is going on hikes, all the time. She's got three or four really close friends that she's always walking with - it's great! But, gramps now spends his days goin to the Y for a couple o' hours, goin home and sleepin the rest of the day. He doesn't like Rapid at all, and gram said she'd never go back to Superior.

Granpops lost everything that was familiar to him. Damn, can you imagine living in the same damn place for over 60 yrs, and then just up and moving to a completely different place? Although, Gramps is racist and chauvinistic, my heart still goes out to him.

Alright, all of that to say why he's down. Fuck, I miss him.

All for now.

2004-03-23T09:55:00.000-08:00

Atkins, Atkins, Atkins.

I've lost six pounds since Sunday. My body is not liking the fact that I have deprived it of it's usual essential carbs it needs to function - ie. chips, peanut butter, chocolate, bread, etc. I'm surviving, though.

I feel vain, though. Let me tell you why. My fam, along with E's extended fam, are going to Hawaii in the middle of May. Initially, as a stand against "fab diets for the sake of looking good on the beach", was that I was going to eat as much as I possibly could up until we go, buy a speedo and an afro wig, and bare it all on the beaches of Hawaii (the afro wig was going to go down the speedo so I could have black, curly hair spilling out the sides). Anyway, I opted to go the "fab diet..." route. I guess it's good that I'm a bit embarrased about my weight/belly, now I'm motivated to lose it! Anyway, that's about as deep as I'm going to get at the moment.

I've started reading the latest from Cory Doctorow; "Eastern Standard Tribe". It's pretty good - check it out!

That's all for now.

2004-03-22T05:39:00.000-08:00

I mean "Electronic Intifada"........

2004-03-22T05:37:00.000-08:00

Ahem, I had the title of my lind to the "Electronic Infitada" labeled "The Infantada"........

"Hey there whitey....." Anyway, I have changed it.

2004-03-22T04:59:00.000-08:00

Well, yesterday was eventful. I decided to start the 'ol Atkins diet.......my belly is big, so I want to loose it, and actually, I lost four lbs. yesterday - in one day!

Dawn of the Dead fucking rocked. The zombies in the movie haul ass - not your typical zombie image.

When they want some live flesh, they get it. There's also some great comedy in the flick as well. Well worth your bones. Anyway, so here's monday. I was blogging a bit about death yesterday. It seems that there's such a negative view on death. It's the end. So, should it be viewed as positive....? I don't think so. Is it possible for us as humans to see something or even experience something and just let it be - not attach anything negative or positive to the thing?

2004-03-21T16:02:00.000-08:00

E and me are off to see Dawn of the Dead.

I'm excited about that.

Good movie day so far. Finished up Duplex, which made me laugh. Just watched Lost in Translation - I love that movie - and now I'm about to see DoftheD.

2004-03-21T15:53:00.000-08:00

spoke with my gramps two nights ago. Left me a bit restless and unsatisfied. What was i looking for, you might ask - I can't answer that - I don't know. Gramps is a sad fellow at the moment. What left me empty was the fact that he is going to die before I do (more than likely) and there's nothing I can do about it. I've never had to deal with the death of someone close to me......

2004-03-19T05:22:00.000-08:00

All of the sudden I'm interested in the NCAA college b-ball tournament. Don't ask me why. I think it's because it reminds me of my pops and my gramps. A fond memory I have of my fam is sitting down and watching basketball tournaments. That was always a fun time. Gram and Gramps would come 'round, and we'd sit and chill and watch the NCAA tournament games. Also, my neighbor Kurt has awakened another memory. Kurt is a high school math teacher in a town just north of Tucson - and he's also a b-ball coach at that school. Yes, it's another b-ball memory. Gramps and me used to go to the Nebraska state high-school all-day playoffs. I can't remember if I liked being there or not, but for some reason, I don't care. It reminds me of gramps. I miss my gramma and granpa - especially my granpa. He's a real quiet guy - doesn't seem to be to happy......wow, this is a string I never intended to go off on. This is something I need to think about before I write anymore about it.

Hope you all have a good day.

2004-03-18T16:20:00.000-08:00

Hooray, I can post pics.

Anyway, today was a much better one than I've had for a while. I love my Blog. It's very cathartic. My Blog is like my easy chair. Kick back and relax...........

2004-03-18T16:07:00.000-08:00

Some Dallas Pics:

My Generous Hosts (sorry about that rash, Kowzar)

Gul Khan

2004-03-18T16:00:00.000-08:00

Here's some long overdue pics from me Dallas trip

2004-03-18T15:58:00.000-08:00

2004-03-18T05:18:00.000-08:00

Greetings and Salutations.

I woke up this morning, took a piss WHILE brushing my teeth, took my shower, started to get dressed and BAM - i stopped and looked at my wife, lying there and I realized that I haven't stopped to look at her in a long time........and I haven't stopped to look at much for a long time. And then it hit me, when I look at life, look at people, look at events around me, my mind is always thinking about other things related to what I'm looking at or just completely other things (hope I don't lose you). Let me see if I can get an example; Javan and Sydney (OH YEAH, SHE TOOK HER FIRST FIVE STEPS TO ME LAST NIGHT! She has taken steps; like one or two, but last night she stood up on her own, and walked over to me.......tear) are playing outside and I'm out there to watch them - make sure that they don't get hurt, help them if they get stuck, warn them if they're about to do something, etc - but I'm not really noticing them. What I mean is that I don't notice their smiles, I don't notice their movements, I don't notice their voices. In my mind, I've already fast forwarded to the night, or some other bullshit. As cliche as it sounds, I'm not noticing my here and now surroundings. I'm not taking things and people as they are and then letting them be. This may be my upward swing........damn I hope so.

2004-03-17T13:17:00.000-08:00

Damn, I did the link wrong for previous post.

2004-03-17T13:15:00.000-08:00

Everything was going fine until.......

2004-03-17T07:12:00.000-08:00

Here are two bands to help you celebrate St. Patty's day;

Flogging Molly

and

Dropkick Murphy's

Flogging Molly's website has a visual explosion to enjoy, and the Murphy's has some sounds and visuals to make for a happy day.

Enjoy.

2004-03-17T06:46:00.000-08:00

Tonia's word of the day; cafagymatorium

2004-03-17T05:06:00.000-08:00

oh my. can't get motivated. i must say, last night was amazing! The fam and i went down to our local park and kicked back for a couple o' hours in the grass. Grass is an amazing thing when you live in the middle of the desert.

Javan can huck a frisbee well. I was impressed - he needs to work on trajectory, but he's rockin it. Syd says, "yeah" now. it's fuckin hilarious! She gives kisses and semi-hugs (no arms - i mean, she has arms, but doesn't use 'em). Javan was having a hard time breathing yesterday, hope he's okay.

I guess it's time to pick up my copy of "raising cain" and glean some wisdom on how to raise my boy. it's difficult at the moment. the challenge right now is to teach him that the faster he gets his chores done, the quicker he'll be outside playing.

Now, while I was typing I had a few of mini-epiphanies (did i spell that right...?).
1) the root of most of my stress in raising my kids is because i'm lazy. Example; I ask Javan to clean his room, and he wants me to help him. My fat ass is sitting on the couch watching tv and I tell him, "no, you do it yourself - and you're going to get punished if you don't......" I can relate, though, to his request. I tend to work much better - and do a better job - when people are helping me get the task done - community.
2) he's okay with slowly cleaning his room all day. He'll clean a bit and then play a bit, then clean a bit and then play a bit. What's wrong with that....? I say nothing.
3) also, i have to admit (embarassingly) he emmulates his father, when it comes to chores. I don't like them - I loathe them. Shit, my parents made me keep my room spotless. That didn't teach me "cleanliness/tidiness". In regards to chores, I'm still a slob when it comes to chores.

Ahhhh, that helped. I love my kids. Javan is kick ass.

2004-03-16T13:04:00.000-08:00

The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many', and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'.
Larry Hardiman from The Quotes Page

This looks like a pretty kick ass site.

2004-03-16T07:44:00.000-08:00

Buddhism w/o Beliefs.......

An amazing book that speaks of freedom......check it out. More on this later.

I'm excited about this because E is reading "Siddhartha" at the same time. It's a serendipitous experience - we both began reading these works without even talking to each other about them.......I love you, E.

2004-03-16T06:53:00.000-08:00

Back in the Day is some pics from '91 to '94ish. Good for a laugh.

2004-03-16T05:30:00.000-08:00

Learn how to Blend In

2004-03-16T05:09:00.000-08:00

DAMN i feel "expressionally constipated...."

E and me saw "Big Fish" last night. Incredible movie;

Here's a quote, "It's rude to talk about religion, cuz you never know who you're going to offend......"

Great shit. I'm not ready to settle down......BUT I have a house payment, a credit card payment, two kids, two dogs, live in suburbia, FUCK what am I doing......

E asked me why I was so somber last night. There's a scene in big fish that impacted me a bit - actually, I had to force myself to let it impact me - that's how numb I've become - anyway. The actor comes upon a town called Spectre - where people eventually wind up and never leave. It's a beautiful town - white picket fences, church at the end, people just sittin and relaxin around the table; actually, now that I think about it, it does sound kinda nice, and that's the subtle trappings that I am forever falling more and more down into - I'm in my own "Spectre" and am in danger of never leaving. There was nothing wrong with the people in the town - they just didn't want to leave - contrast that with Ewan's character - he had to get out. Unfortunately, I can't just be happy in one place. The past five years - as far as money, work, school, living arrangements go - have been a progressive hell. Not in the sense of the violent hell that we all think about - I haven't really been violently tormented in my life - it's more like the old story of the toad. Their body adjusts to it's surrounding temp. So, if you put it in a pan of boiling water, it will never feel the heat until it's to late...........

Dallas was inspiring. (Thank you Dan, Emily, and Trev - and crew) but it's becoming slowly not so inspiring - I don't want to lose that! I was moved by community, grace, care, patience, peace, comfort - damn I miss it already.

More later.

2004-03-15T05:55:00.000-08:00

My beautiful wife Rony reminded me yesterday that men go through their monthly cycle as well. Thanx B for asking if I'm okay.....

2004-03-15T05:53:00.000-08:00

Is anybody reading this.....? if so, take a look at mr. travis' blogshpot.