Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Trying to Quit Smoking (Days 1 and 2)
Right now, i'm fucking craving a cigarette.
anyway, i decided to quit smoking. no real motivator - just like a mental switch was finally flipped off.
anyway, yesterday (day 1) was a battle. i had four cigarettes. i remember driving to work and noticing that the packs of cigarettes in my car were empty, so i decided to quit. very depressing day, yesterday was. fedex dave said, "nothing is funny to drew, right now". made me laugh. anyway, he just recently quit smoking, so he had some good advice. yesterday i was in a fog. i have no idea why - i think i was withdrawing from lack of nicotine in my system. that was fucked up. i couldn't think straight, i was grumpy towards my kids, unbelievably depressed, etc. i think the one thing that kept me going on dirts so long was the fact that i didn't want to have to quit something. i should be able to do whatever i want, right? i guess part of growing up is knowing when to quit.......anyway, that contributed to my depression.
today, day 2, feeling a bit better. like i said, right now i want a cigarette, but i'm going to type this instead and go to bed. i was hyper all day - had a good day. pretty with it. thanx to bryan for hanging with me during my work breaks and lunch break. went to starbucks today and sat outside, in my usual spot - outside. there was a guy smoking at the next table over. i saw him smoking, the smoke was blowing in my face, and i felt nothing. i had no craving, and i wasn't repulsed, either - just nothing. weird. here's the kicker - i'm trying to watch my weight at the same time - no easy task. i haven't had to many bad food cravings yet. i can't gain anymore weight. fedex dave came over today and asked how i was doing. i said i'm smoke free at the moment - feel like i'm in a 12 step. he said that it takes three days for the nicotine to get out of my system, and then it's all a mental battle from there. great. we'll see how that goes. anyway, i'm out for now. i'm going to go to bed.
anyway, i decided to quit smoking. no real motivator - just like a mental switch was finally flipped off.
anyway, yesterday (day 1) was a battle. i had four cigarettes. i remember driving to work and noticing that the packs of cigarettes in my car were empty, so i decided to quit. very depressing day, yesterday was. fedex dave said, "nothing is funny to drew, right now". made me laugh. anyway, he just recently quit smoking, so he had some good advice. yesterday i was in a fog. i have no idea why - i think i was withdrawing from lack of nicotine in my system. that was fucked up. i couldn't think straight, i was grumpy towards my kids, unbelievably depressed, etc. i think the one thing that kept me going on dirts so long was the fact that i didn't want to have to quit something. i should be able to do whatever i want, right? i guess part of growing up is knowing when to quit.......anyway, that contributed to my depression.
today, day 2, feeling a bit better. like i said, right now i want a cigarette, but i'm going to type this instead and go to bed. i was hyper all day - had a good day. pretty with it. thanx to bryan for hanging with me during my work breaks and lunch break. went to starbucks today and sat outside, in my usual spot - outside. there was a guy smoking at the next table over. i saw him smoking, the smoke was blowing in my face, and i felt nothing. i had no craving, and i wasn't repulsed, either - just nothing. weird. here's the kicker - i'm trying to watch my weight at the same time - no easy task. i haven't had to many bad food cravings yet. i can't gain anymore weight. fedex dave came over today and asked how i was doing. i said i'm smoke free at the moment - feel like i'm in a 12 step. he said that it takes three days for the nicotine to get out of my system, and then it's all a mental battle from there. great. we'll see how that goes. anyway, i'm out for now. i'm going to go to bed.
